Here are all the metaphors that the English language will allow a writer.

Monday, December 14, 2015

"i'm out of olive branches for you to burn."

Nostalgia and "heart" have stopped sitting well with me. I dislike Modern Love pieces because I've developed this philosophy: "What can I do about it? Nothing? Okay. Let Go." And when I say "heart," I mean the thing that makes people go oos and ahhs about relationships. The kind of vibe that my better friends feed off of when they say, "Maybe it doesn't have to end all so negatively?"

Today marks the first time I blocked someone on all social media accounts. The person wanted a relationship/friendship. I went from no opinion to complete avoidance. Someone once told me to try, and I thought I could... but my reflexive reaction had become completely toxic. So I decided the healthiest thing for me was to ignore them. And I did on/off for 5 years. But their messages have only escalated since, all hung up on some moment I barely remember. Retrospectively, things I did wrong that lead to this?

Pull a moment out of thin air to give them a "reason" for my distance
1). Don't lie to satisfy
Replied to their messages with an attempt to "explain" myself
2). Don't put anyone, even yourself, in a box
Never actually telling them off and just "ghosting" them while they were mid-rant
3). Don't leave important conversations open-ended

I finally told him that it would be better to stop talking, period, to let go of whatever idea he had because it didn't exist. He flipped from apologies to anger. His last line "I'm out of olive branches for you to burn" bothered me until I realized where the disconnect was. Their delusion that a relationship was necessary, that if we weren't be friends it would be war, was one-sided. All I wanted was to happily coexist without acknowledging each other's existence. To me, there were no olive branches, just street flyers intrusions. I didn't burn those, I just never took one.

To me, relationships are always a choice. They are not a process of give and take, share and receive, quid pro quid. Nobody owes you anything. Relationships aren't a balance of scales, a checklist of who's turn is next to "feel good." You don't eat food you don't like just for certain health benefits because those benefits can always be found elsewhere. You might not able to live certain vitamins, but you can definitely pick the source.


Nobody can really control the exact impact or impression they give. Some vibe off it. Some don't. It's just how things work. To progress in a relationship on the basis that you are owed anything is borderline narcissism.